"People and Tables"

It's the title of a song that I really really love. (Shameless enthusiastic shout out to Sinead Lohan)

There are several lines in that song that resonate with me and make me think about who I am and how I see things and folks as they float around and collide in the universe.

"People and tables are set to the bone .."
"Waiting for nothing confuses the mind .."
"I never wanted and I never got .."

I have this image in my mind of a sterile room with a table that is set with all manner of finery ... And not a soul sitting at it while sharing a meal and conversation breathing life and love into a room. Set for the sake of being set with no reason and nothing to show for it.

While I enjoy the parts of me that seek out adventure and new experiences and peculiar people now I wonder how often I've been set ... With no reason and nothing to show for it.

It's not difficult to think of times in my life that I've abandoned my ambition, passion and fire waiting for the nothing in my soul to slowly and painfully mirror the nothing I was creating in my world. Waiting for nothing does confuse the mind. It suffocates the spirit.

I have a friend who told me years ago that if I wanted or needed something in this life that I should make my needs and my intentions and my desires known to the universe. The universe can sort out the details but at least I've done my part.

When I'm set to the bone like an abandoned table, waiting for nothing, never wanting and certainly never receiving anything I'm prone to do crazy things like feel sorry for myself ... And, best of all, blame the world at large for all the things that I figure I'm entitled to. This is one of my character flaws that invariably creates a whole lot more of nothing .. And nothing at all that resembles what I need.

My mother used to tell me when I was cranky and incorrigible (pfffttttt ... Like THAT ever happened) that if I wanted to be loved I needed to be lovable.

- insert blinding glimpse of the obvious here.

Turns out if I'm in need I probably need to let someone know. Especially since folks are insufferably dense with regard to mind reading. It seems that if the phone aint ringin its most often cuz I didn't make a call first or wasnt fit to be called. Also turns out, oddly, that when I ask for something the universe responds. Doesn't always look the way I want or thought I needed it to ... But a response is issued.

And I've done my part.

I want my table to be full of food and friends, colors and music and interesting bits of, well, everything! I never want to wait for nothing though I do want to be open to being patient and to whatever the universe has set to collide with me. And I need to remember that I never get if I never set a desire free in the wide world and I rarely get what I never ask for.

That's the trick ... Remembering what I'm so quick to forget.