Suffice it to say that my definition of bliss has changed many MANY times over the years. My bliss has been love and sex, money and power, music and literature, lies and destruction, delusion and distraction, friendship and fellowship ... To name a few. My bliss is a lot like me ...
She is and has been many many things from one minute to the next.
Happily, with a lil age, temperance, struggle, chance and change my bliss has maintained its form for some stretch now. She is far less reckless and wild and generally settles on me like a warm blanket.
Well, I'm still a bit wild .. Just a gentler, warmer, fuzzier wild.
I'm kinda like Cherry 7-Up rather than carbonated Wild Turkey.
I do much better these days to seek out, notice, embrace, APPRECIATE and - get this - sometimes create bliss.
That does not at all negate the fact that I am still completely drawn to extremes. I struggle with balance in my life. If there is a train wreck I'm running straight toward it ... Or I drove the train head on. It's what makes my life simultaneously exciting and utterly impossible.
Now, my bliss is an allusive little thing. She is hiding in corners while I'm circling the room for the third time looking for the coffee cup I misplaced 17 seconds ago. She giggles at me and shakes her head.
But when she comes into the light ... She is brilliant.
I've also done better to appreciate my bliss out loud and in the moment. I keep learning better ways to sit in it and soak up every molecule and then share it. Since I have to work on coloring in the lines and hittin the middle of the road my bliss most often looks like .. Well, looks like the weekend I'm finishing up right now. Bliss comes to me in the form of Perfect Days. Perfect to me, anyway. It looks like having done a lil bit of everything very well rather than too much or not enough of any one thing. It looks like a precious few moments of homeostasis.
It does NOT happen very often ... AT ALL. But when it does its glorious. And for some odd reason I had three WHOLE days in a row of bathing in that lovely glow.
What does my bliss look like?
It looks like a random vacation day on Friday just cuz I needed and wanted one. It looks like waking up early on said Friday morning completely rested and not feeling frenzied. It's a series of 3 new restaurant foodie adventures. I spent time with some lovely angel friends, wandered a FABULOUS book Mecca, toured a cool record store (yup, we still have one), heard some live music and bought some new music, curled up on a friends couch with a steaming cup of coffee and a good book. It was divine blueberry pie on National Pi Day. It was bacon, sausage, cheese, egg hash and sides of fruit with no icky melon (blech!!). Bliss was a home cooked meal provided by someone that loves us enough to feed our souls and bellies. Bliss was the best-ever dance recital by yours truly as I channeled the movie version of Rent. (Well, that may be a lie ... I seriously can't dance ... But I did a mean floor crawl). Bliss was absolutely and totally laughing until I literally cried. Having someone to share that laughter with was pretty damn cool. I visited a bit with my mother about life, mascara and sports bras. I put my laundry away, put my sneakers on and got in a couple pretty righteous work outs. I SLEPT (which is really a gift to those around me). I spent some time working on my spiritual fitness. I gave and received many many hugs. I saw a really shitty movie with really beautiful people. I spent even more time laughing until I cried over the critical issues of Olympic Curling and bearded redneck men. I sang classic 50s music at the table between bites at brunch. It even included the hour that I carved out to sort out and deal with the pile of medical bills ... Because it only took an hour, it got done instead of ignored and that's the price I'm paying to be cancer free. Bliss.
And during all these (very) simple creature comforts my soul was completely at ease. I smiled for no particular reason. I smiled because someone else was smiling. I spoke to strangers with kindness. I was breathing, living, loving and present to soak up every minute. And I was not swimming in shit soup over everything that has already passed and all things I feel the need to fret over for tomorrow that haven't even happened yet. And probably won't.
That's my bliss. A little bit of ALL things done well. Again, it doesn't happen very often. Though it happens more often these days than it ever has. And when it does it gives me enough go-juice to step
into the big wide world tomorrow.
It's everything I needed and more than enough.
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