Neon Octagon

That's EXACTLY how I often feel. Like a giant neon octagon in a sea of circle people.

It is not undeserved. My reputation is well earned. I proudly own the things that make me strange and peculiar. I have, over time, grown comfortably into my oddities.

I have a dear friend that claims one can not describe me ... I'm an experience.

She is probably correct.

Buckle up. Sometimes I'm a bumpy ride.

Though there are many things that I work to improve in my life  I can honestly say that I wouldn't change the things about me that make me fundamentally me.

But there are moments that it is really really challenging to be different.
Glaringly, loudly, boldly, obviously different.

Oh man, I AM different. I'm different in ways that challenge people to their very foundations.

Not because I feel the need to conform (I've long outgrown that feeling), but because it hurts my heart and soul that there are so few octagonal spaces carved out in the world.

Every once in a while I get a sinking sickening feeling that human beings throw around words like inclusion, acceptance, diversity, tolerance because they are fashionable and obligatory.

Every once in a while they prove me right.

Sometimes I even have to call my own self on the carpet for not moving within my integrity toward folks.

I do try. I do fail.

From my vantage point in the universe we humans do love our categories and boxes and labels. We feel better when the world is organized and arranged and predictable. We like entertaining concepts like "us" and "them". We scream for 32 flavors and then bitch about the good ol days of vanilla.
I do these things too. I'm decidedly not unique in this respect.
But I do try.

I try to make room and space and time in my life for a little bit of everyone. I am willing to look sternly at myself when I'm judging and labeling. I wish and hope I am extended the same in return.

Most times I am.
But sometimes, just sometimes, I hit a wall of conformity.

So after having a few of these moments over the past couple of weeks and feeling like I'm doin the 9 second walk of shame for doing my thing and being who I am, I've come around, full circle, and decide (again) to try not be the people I talk bad about. I choose to try to shake it off and continue to like the silly little hot mess that is me. And I tighten up my resolve to keep my promise and make room and space and time for a little bit of everyone. I just have to be open. I don't always have to like what I hear or see in return. But I'm willing to try before I make up my mind. I'm willing to ask and learn.

I take this cyclical journey all the time. I always arrive back in the space I'm in now.

I also promise to continue to challenge the people in my orbit. I hope to never quite be exactly what folks expect of me. I hope I always cause a teeny tiny bit of discomfort. Especially if the result is a few more dimensions and facets to this life we continually shape.

As far as shapes go, I'll be here at the house carving out all manner of shapes that are ready to be filled in my life. I crave and love the crazy puzzle we create.

I just want to be me without making it difficult for you to be you.